Mother’s Day Manifesto



This is my path. It was not a path of my choice, but it is a path I must walk mindfully with intention. It is a journey through grief that takes time. Every cell in my body aches and longs to be with my beloved child. I may be impatient, distracted, frustrating, and unfocused. I may get angry more easily, or I may seem hopeless. I will shed many, many, many tears. I won’t smile as often as my old self. Smiling hurts now. Most everything hurts some days, even breathing. But please, just sit beside me. Say nothing. Do not offer a cure. Or a pill, or a word, or a potion.

Witness my suffering and don't turn away from me.

Please be gentle with me.

Please, self, be gentle with me, too.

I will not ever "get over it" so please don’t urge me down that path. Even if it seems like I am having a good day, maybe I am even able to smile for a moment, the pain is just beneath the surface of my skin. Some days, I feel paralyzed. My chest has a nearly constant sinking pain and sometimes I feel as if I will explode from the grief. This is affecting me as a woman, a mother, a human being. It affects every aspect of me: spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I barely recognize myself in the mirror anymore.

Remember that grief is as personal to each individual as a fingerprint. Don't tell me how I should or shouldn’t be doing it or that I should or shouldn’t “feel better by now.” Don't tell me what's right or wrong. I'm doing it my way, in my time. If I am to survive this, I must do what is best for me.

Surviving this means seeing life’s meaning change and evolve. What I knew to be true or absolute or real or fair about the world has been challenged so I'm finding my way, moment-to-moment in this new place. Things that once seemed important to me are barely thoughts any longer. I notice life's suffering more- hungry children, the homeless and the destitute, a mother’s harsh voice toward her young child or by an elderly person struggling with the door. So many things I struggle to understand.

Don’t tell me that “God has a plan” for me. This, my friend, is between me and my God.

Those platitudes seem far too easy to slip from the mouths of those who tuck their own child into a safe, warm bed at night: Can you begin to imagine your own child, flesh of your flesh, lying lifeless in a casket, when “goodbye” means you’ll never see them on this Earth again? Grieving mothers- and fathers- and grandparents- and siblings won’t wake up one day with everything ’okay’ and life back to normal. I have a new normal now.

Oh, perhaps as time passes, I will discover new meanings and insights about what my child’s death means to me. Perhaps, one day, when I am very, very old, I will say that time has truly helped to heal my broken heart. But always remember that not a second of any minute of any hour of any day passes when I am not aware of the presence of her absence, no matter how many years lurk over my shoulder.

Love never dies.

So this year, on Mother’s Day, don’t forget that I have another one, another child, whose absence, like the sky, is spread over everything (C.S. Lewis).

Don’t forget to say, “How are you really feeling this Mother’s Day?” Don’t forget that even if I have living children, my heart still aches for the one that is absent—for I am never quite complete without my child. And because love is much, much, much bigger than Death.

http://drjoanne.blogspot.com/2010/05/grieving-mothers-manifesto.html

Views: 1083

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

And for those families that don't have an answer and live in the "unkown" many of these emotions are the same for them.  

As I read this Missey Smith and her beloved daughter, Kelsey were vividly in my mind.

I too have lost a child. Jacob almost 3 months old lost to SIDS.. My heart goes out to the grieving mothers of the missing. I know where my son is and have peace. A missing Mom goes not have what I have, that is one reason I advocate. I want peace for them. Our loss never ev er goes away and we are lost to the things we miss out,and are full of wonder at all times. No one you have to bury their child. My heart and love to the mothers of the missing. Patti

I'm so sorry you lost your little Jacob.  Thanks for sharing those beautiful photos.

For Moms of the Missing
Attachments:

RSS

About

Sara Huizenga created this Ning Network.

Latest Activity

eve carson and mary butler are now friends
Apr 5
eve carson posted a discussion

Speaking Out & Breaking the Silence

I have been under the radar for some time for reasons of personal…See More
Apr 5
Kelly Mooney updated their profile
Mar 23
Leana Jo Hover promoted missjean's video
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover shared Sara Huizenga's video on Facebook
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover shared Wayne Leng's video on Facebook
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover shared Diana's Daughter Christine's video on Facebook
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover promoted Diana's Daughter Christine's video
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover shared Christina Venita Quinton's video on Facebook
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover promoted Christina Venita Quinton's video
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover shared hollyjean's video on Facebook
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover promoted hollyjean's video
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover shared Lynn Anne Cummings's video on Facebook
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover promoted Lynn Anne Cummings's video
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover shared Lynn Anne Cummings's video on Facebook
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover promoted Lynn Anne Cummings's video
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover promoted maureen sanchez's video
Mar 2
Leana Jo Hover posted a status
"Wow, I hadn't been on here in a long time. I do apologize...I had a lot of things that went on, but I'm all good now & back..."
Mar 2
Larry B. Simpson commented on Sara Huizenga's blog post In Memory of Lacey Gaines, Cherished Niece of Peace4 member, Cherry Simpson
"NOTICE add alert or to your calendar Jon Leiberman interviews Cherry Simpson about the murder of her niece Lacey Gaines.Preview Show https://vimeo.com/84428125Case Background Update Document Lacey Gaines murder URL Who murdered…"
Jan 22
Lisa M. Hodanish shared Maureen Reintjes-Peace4 Admin's group on Facebook
Jan 3

© 2014   Created by Sara Huizenga.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

googlec419cec1aa0403ba.html Peace4 the Missing Sitemap Generator My Zimbio