Coping. How you can do it. How you can help others.

[maureen sanchez]

A friend who had lost a son at 34 weeks taught me a very valuable lesson in the middle of her unimaginable grief.  She had a baby, whose heart and lungs were weak from the time they were formed, had several surgeries in utero, and when he was born, was not strong enough to survive. He died within 12 hours of being born.  

It was brutal.  I was pregnant at the same time as her - and our sons were to grow up together. I look at my 5 year old and often think about her son and the fun they would have had. And then I thank Jesus.  I thank him for the life I have, the troubles I face, the joys He has given me.  When my son was teething or having trouble sleeping, or being a naughty, busy 18-month old, or having trouble talking - instead of being angry or upset or overwhelmed I brought myself to a peaceful place.  I HAVE this baby in my arms screaming his head off. I know this will pass.  I know we'll get through this.  I love you with all my heart, and it's all going to be OK.

Each of us - every single one - is a net sum of every single experience we have had.  No one else's experiences. Just ours.  And our experiences, taken together, have prepared us for this precise moment.  What we, as a community must do, is help each other cope.  Be survivors for our other members who are struggling.  

Being sad all the time - while perfectly normal - and acceptable - and even healthy - won't necessarily bring others out of the fog, and help them to be able to start the search process or think critically about their search.

I often post stuff - here and on other boards - without solicitation because I want to help people. I want others to have the strength to start their search. I want to help people feel ok to cry, but also OK getting on with the business of life.  And, somehow, I want others to join me - helping others in our community - to gain strength.

Hopefully what I've typed makes sense.   I'm so there, have been there for a long time.  It took me many, many years to get to where I am, and the journey is no where near over -- not until I Find Judy.  facebook.com/lookingforjudy

[Maureen Reintjes-Peace4 Admin]

Great perspective for coping.

[maureen sanchez]

the part that got lost in this -- is that she wanted to be in a support group of survivors - not just people who were coping. She felt that being with people who had gotten to the other side - would help her more than people who would let her cry and be sad all the time. See, she had a 2 year old son to care for -- and both she and her husband were grieving their deceased son. She couldn't rely on him, she had to rely on God - and needed people to help her be strong again.  That's not to say that sadness equals weakness, it does not.  

Lots of people talk about how "strong" I am.  That may be so. I do like my coffee that way.  And I'm told my personality is far from vanilla.  Mostly,  I do what needs to be done.  When disaster struck, on September 11, 2001, all that strength and stoicism went straight out the window -- and crashed.  But I'm  much stronger now as a result, and want to help others achieve that, if it's what they are seeking.  <3

[Jan Smolinski]

Thank you Maureen for sharing your thoughts.  I know what you are saying and the important message ...
God bless you,  struggles make people stronger . Much peace your way xxoo

[Sara Huizenga]

I'm so glad you shared this here, Maureen - I think you're brilliant - love you, friend ... xoxo