Egos in the Missing Person World

[Chad Scott]

I was not going to release this article, however, after once again getting ego backlash from yet another person in a different missing person search group after yesterdays search for Mary Lands I am going to post this. With over 100,000 missing persons in the U.S. I do not understand why people get pissed off when they are not brought into a particular case. Sadly the person who contact us today raising stink was partially trained by one of the persons he is complaining about us using. Ego's, one major root of the problems in missing person cases.

Before I begin I would like to make everyone aware that this article is not sugar coated and at times might be considered “politically” incorrect. There is a reason for both of these, neither has any more of a place in the missing person world than ego’s, power struggles, fame or any other personal agenda some people may have. While I will not use actual names, agencies, ect. In this article I will be referring to some actual situations that have taken place.

Egos have no place when it comes to missing people. They serve no positive purpose and cause nothing but harm and pain to the case and the missing persons family. I have heard on many occasions of a person involved in a missing person case or foundation that thinks they can do it all themselves. By this I mean a couple of things which I will touch on. First, the person who thinks they are the best at everything and can do it all themselves. This type of person is one of the worst people who can be involved in a missing person case. It takes a team to find these people and anyone who can not work as a team will likely never find a missing person (I have heard of a blue moon though). If you have a missing person case where a person discourages you from contacting anyone other than themselves and thinks they can be the search coordinator, search commander, field commander, k-9 commander, only researcher, only planner, ect., it might be wise to contact a reputable program and ask them for information on how a proper and effective search is handled. Do not let an ego stop you from finding a missing person.

Another example, which actually occurred, is a person who has invested time in a case in the past and feels there toe’s are being stepped on when another group is asked to come in and help in the case and conduct searches. I will not get into the history of the case, persons involvement, reasons for outside help arose, ect., I will briefly describe the scenario so you can better understand this article. A cold case where a group and a person had significant time invested had run into the normal dead end brick walls. A person who had minimal knowledge of the case crossed paths with the family of a missing person. It was quickly realized what some needs in the case were and solutions to fill those needs. That person worked with the family and the brick walls rapidly began to fall. What was once was thought to be a cold case has since been rapidly heating up and is in fact making progress.

Sam (we will use Sam for the person who had the time invested) has always had a problem with a “newbie” stepping in and effectively making a difference from day 1. Part of this is made clear by the facts that many of the things Joe (the new guy”) was able to help accomplish were the same things that Sam had reportedly been working on for months or even years. It is simply, Joe was able to do in weeks what Sam was not able to in months-years. Virtually everyone involved in the case was amazed and extremely happy about these developments, most importantly the missing person’s family. Here is where we get back to egos and the problems they cause. Once Sam found out what had happened “we were already working on that” “and “I was going to do that” kept coming up.

Why is it that some can do things in days that take others month or longer to do? Simple, when you work as a team such as Joe, the family, law enforcement and others did positive things tend to happen. When you try to do it yourself (for whatever reason that may be) it simply goes nowhere. Joe consulted several experts in the field involving what was done, he used their advice and experiences to move forward and it worked. Fact, Joe has used outside resources virtually every time anything positive has occurred in this particular case and focused the attention on those resources for there help and not on Joe himself.

Recently, while actually conducting a search for a missing person, Sam called Joe accusing Joe and a mother of a missing woman of committing a federal crime while conducting the search. This crime was not only never committed, it is known exactly how this claim was started and by whom. Sam, a reported “advocate” of the missing and their families, now allowed his ego to cross the line and began victimizing a victim, highly respected advocate and a mother of a missing woman for her involvement in a search that he was not ‘informed or consulted about’. This is only one example of how harmful an ego can be.

Unfortunately, egos exist not only in the private sector but the law enforcement (LE) arena as well. We hear about this from families, other LE personnel, citizens and many others. What I will discuss in this area is what I have dealt with first hand. I have found one several occasions what a family preserves as an officer with an ego is in fact most often an officer without specialized training in handling a missing person case. I have however dealt with investigators with egos. These investigators are very difficult and frustrating to work with. They have the “nobody can do it better than me” attitude and are of minimal help at best. They are most often at a dead end in the case and are not open to outside assistance, regardless of how qualified it might be.

This is a very hard problem to overcome, but one that needs to be discussed. I have found that in some of these situations the investigators ego is a result of a long string of problems in the case caused by persons outside of the agency they work for and sometimes from within. Often at some time they stuck there neck out in the case and ended up regretting it. This is not always the case though, sometimes you just get an investigator that doesn’t get it. It is highly unfortunate that this situation has to be handled so delicately as to not cause more harm to the missing person case. By that I mean, the more you “piss” the guy off the less he tend to do in the case. We still have some trouble effectively overcoming this particular hurdle so we consult and bring in a person from another non-profit program to help in these cases. So far, she is batting a 100%. Again, it takes a team.

While I can go on and on about egos and situations where they exist, I do not want to drag this article out forever. If those reading this are interested in a more in depth article I will gladly write one. If anyone has an example of an ego in a case please let me know. If you have a case where an ego is preventing finding a missing person contact us and we will help you find the proper resource to overcome it.

I ask everyone to look at themselves and ask what is more important in the world of missing people, is it you or is it the person that is missing and their families. If you answered you then most likely you are the wrong type of person to be helping in these tragedies. There are the right people and then there are the wrong people, we hope you find the right people.

[Maureen]

A cooperating team built of experts in various fields, comprised of people of compassion, who leave their egos at the door and are not afraid to yell out HELP to another team or expert, would be nice.

[Chad Scott]

Exactly Maureen

[Reza Jou]

Dear Chad,
This is an excellent article about ego, an eye opener. It refreshed my memory, over 2 years ago when my daughter disappeared and I was so desperate to bring as much resources to search for my innocent child.
I was discouraged by California authorities not to bring outside sources. I remember Texas Equu Search wanted to travel to California to search for Donna, Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) were against it, when Tim Miller of Equu Search contacted LAPD, he was told if he goes to LA looking for Donna, they will consider it interfering with police investigation and they even can arrest him.
To offset this, I had to go to a US Congressman (who phoned CA Law Enforcement) and hired a high profile attorney to get LAPD to agree, even with that, LAPD did not provide the needed information for an effective search, without the proper point of reference they were not able to do their search work – lots of time and resources were wasted.

We do need to have a law to prevent local authorities from making decision about private search teams, the law should also dictate to Law Enforcement agencies across the country to cooperate with search teams as soon as the missing person’s family authorized the search and provide essential information and facilitate the search.
Reza jou (missing Donna Jou's dad)
WWW.DONNAJOU.COM

[Patty Beeken]

Amen Scott! in the past there were some of these very problems and I still see them sometimes where i least expect them to be. IMHO there is no room for this type of thing when you are trying to help a family. Anyone who is able to contribute something useful and is willing should be allowed to help and at least have their ideas at least listened to and discussed.

[Kim Kolton]

Chad - Very good article! We all need to be reminded sometimes to 'check our ego's at the door'! Also, I happen to be a big fan of politically incorrect. However, I am not a big fan of self-seeking individuals who take advantages of opportunities without regard for the consequences of others. Maybe they just don't get it. Here is a quote by G.K.Chesterton:
'One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant then any star.'

[Delilah]

Thanks, Chad, I think this was needed. I've said it before and I'll say it again, things won't happen for the benefit of missing persons cases until everyone is united in their efforts. The same goes for just about any issue or cause where there are victims involved. Unfortunately, egos and politics do nothing but put roadblocks in the progress so many are trying to make.

No ONE is as important as the WHOLE and I feel that when unification comes about then we will see much more progress being made.

[Debbie Fleming]

You made some good points. I wish others would understand it is not about them but, it is about our missing loved ones and their families. I keep praying someday we will have the answers about my uncle John not sure we ever will instead we have alot of unanswered questions.

[Sara/Peace4 Co-Founder]

You are brave and honest and I respect and dig you, Chaddy... ;)

nice work, my friend...

[Todd Matthews]

I agree Chaddy -- love that nickname.

[Sara/Peace4 Co-Founder]

This is really good..."requoting" Chad below...

If you have a missing person case where a person discourages you from contacting anyone other than themselves and thinks they can be the search coordinator, search commander, field commander, k-9 commander, only researcher, only planner, ect., it might be wise to contact a reputable program and ask them for information on how a proper and effective search is handled. Do not let an ego stop you from finding a missing person.

[Wayne Leng]

I agree. Ego is a problem in so many areas.

[Sara/Peace4 Co-Founder]

So now what?

Meaning...now that we most highly likely have established a problem...what is our next step towards dealing with it?

Actually bringing it out into the open as Chad of TrackMissing has done here is a HUGE step towards effectively overcoming this finding Missing Loved Ones obstacle...