I know I have been away, but I need help in helping Karen Jo's 2 Kids, 16 and 22

[Patti Bishop]

When 2 kids lose their Mother, literally and the murderer is one of their sperm donors life spins out of control!

Ages 8 and 14 when their Mom was not at home that fateful morning. I can understand the feelings as my Mom would do that as she had been married 7 times (another story, another time on DV).

As reality set in these next 8 years and 8 months have totally messed these 2 up!
First off Karen's side of family did not think they needed therapy. Well, 3 visits and that was done.

The oldest, boy now man, was arrested literally over 80 times in 4 years. Did not do the time for his crimes either. He received sympathy help and had that going for him in the justice system. Drinking, drugging, burglary, car theft, gun possesion, selling pot, you name it and there it is!

He changed some and began getting his life on, not arrested for a few years was a good sign. Had a job, got a car, but the alcohol became more and more. Been there, done that at that age, and it was a way to escape, not good, but it did numb the pain.

Now to the now 16 year old. At 14 she was almost gang raped with a friend at these older guys house in the neighborhood, she was blessed and got away. Still rebellious, still just so much like her mother, looks and all.

Drinking and drugging began, look at her older brother as a role model, It continues, just this past weekend she was at a party, vodka is out, she finds herself later in a bedroom with a guy on top feeling her up and another guy comes in and closes the door and she freaked and got away, again.

Ran for a short bit and police got her. Took her to Juvey, blew her alcohol and it was over .28, YES, alcohol poisening (sic)! I had to throw the what if's out quickly as we all know what this outcome could have been.

Top it off Ed and I do not get this info about the kids as they like to keep secrets. I just told their Aunt, MY Stepdaughter, I want to know immediately, especially if they can't find her, and I made her promise me!

I know we are lacking this type of support system for the Kids of the Missing Parent's! They need each other like we have each other.

If you know of any websites, phone trees, etc, places like Peace4 ran by survivors? Please Help!

Yes, I have prayed, talked to God and the next thing you know I am logging on Peace4. He does work in miraculous ways,

[Maureen Reintjes-Peace4 Admin]

Patti,

Have you talked with Duane Bowers (Project Jason)? I bet he would be a good resource for just what you are asking for. It is very hard to find anyone that knows how to work with the families of the missing, most just don't get it, but Duane does!

You are dealing with multiple issues so I would take direction only from a professional. You don't want to go down a path and find out it was all bad advice, too much riding on this with the lives of young people on the line.

Maureen

[Patti Bishop]

Hi Maureen, and thanks for mentioning Duane.
I have known Duane, and talked with him many times with Team Hope. There is just not enough trained therapists or the support group that I am talking about.

I feel, my opinion, Teens and Young Adult's do better with Teens and other Young Adult's who have and are going through what they are.

I have many friends, even a Psychiatrist, who said there just has not been the study or the groups put together.

Thanks again for mentioning Duane. I simply adore him.

[Patti Bishop]

I meant to add, not that I always give all my experience online, but I am a certified trained DV/Rape
Counselor as well as being a recovering Alcoholic. So the professional line is what I always reach out to.

I do have feelers out this morning about getting the 16 yr. old in a group at a shelter that deals with DV, but who knows where the Judge is going to send her. I spoke again with my Daughter, her Aunt, and there is 1 guy who she opened up to and did not shine and Kim is going to get a hold of him a.s.a.p.

[judy]

just knowing that someone cares is a good start. thanks for caring,

[Patti Bishop]

Thank You ALL.

I just got the rest of the story on the 22 yr. old as well. Since his drinking has spiraled out of control he has become 10 ft tall and made of steel. So he thought. I will be spending Wed at a Trauma hospital in Indy while they reconstruct his face/eye/forehead, etc. His anger gets so out of control, add alcohol and there you are. His G.P. (Ed), and he have been talking quite a bit. If B is serious about gettting sober then I will take him to his first meeting then let him find a sponsor and start from there.

I know alot of young people just like him (drinking that is), as I have been around the tables for many, many years. Please give the prayers and hope that you always do. I will try not to stay away too long.

I will add the spiraling out of control for both young folks came right after we went to the sentence modification last month for the murderer. No chance of getting anythiing taken off the 95, not until he has Ed on his side. I will say this, it is a work in progress and has been for over 1 year! So, please no good intentions of letters to the prison or anything as we have other things in the works and that could totally screw it up. I know how we all can get sometimes, lol....Thank You all again and I will be back.

[Angie/admin]

Oh Dear Patti,
I don't know where to begin sweetheart!! I was going to call you tomorrow on my day off. I am so sorry that I have not called you sooner, I have been so darn busy. With being back to work and physical therapy and the finding of the DNA.. But that is no excuse, friends make time for friends and I am sorry that I have neglected you (((hugs))). I hope you can forgive me..

I can sooooo relate to what your grandchildren are doing. Although it is by far NOT healthy..Been there done that.. But I could give you some insight on what they are thinking and why they do what they do. But I am sure that you already know being that you are an advocate for the missing and runaways.. This is how I felt and why I did what I did... I felt abandoned. I felt like I was alone, no guidance since my mom and father were both dead. I needed to run away. I wanted to disappear myself, I wanted to destroy myself. The pain of losing your mom that way, to "murder" is just to much to take in..And especially if she is still missing and not found and knowing that she is dead.. Oh god it is absolutly a nightmare..They were younger then I when they lost my mom, and especially the daughter..she craves the nurtering of her mother and she is looking for it in ALL the wrong places.. Oh man I could go on and on!!! I will call you tomorrow!! I promise!! Give the kids my number!!! I will talk with them! I have been in their shoes and if I can help them or even tell them my story I will and want to!!

I love you Patti

Always with love,
Angie

[Patti Bishop]

Thank You My Angie,

I look forward to your voice on the other end of my phone. I have been wanting to give you my Love after the official id on you Mom, and our lives just keep going on getting crazier, you and I both, as with so many of us.

Yes, I would like for you to talk to both! We will talk.

Love You always Girl!
Patti