Voice Platform and Support Network for Families of Missing and Victims of Crime
Opening up this discussion in hopes that by sharing we might lessen the harsh words and increase the comfort from and for ...
For we can't expect others to give us what they don't know we need ... and if nothing else, it's potentially a good vent outlet ... ;-)
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When I saw this forum on facebook I knew I had to officially join to weigh in on this forum. I have lost two children now. My daughter died at a year and a half after three open heart surgeries for an extremely rare heart defect. My son had went missing from Olathe Great Plains mall in August and was found dead in his car a couple of weeks later. So unfortunatly I have had the great mispleasure of hearing many lines of stupidity. I have what I call the six statements of lunacy- and I know there are so many more- but these are the ones that I have had contact with that are the stupidest.
1. God never gives you more than you can handle... This is almost always said by someone who has not experienced any major loss and is scared to death that they might one day experience something horrible by just being near you. It is always tempted to come out of my mouth will then you must be a very weak person.
2. God needed an extra special angel... really the creator of all things could not create an extra special angel.
3. They are in a better place... really are you telling me that it is better than my home being with me.
4. This one is only said by very nasty people, but yes I have heard it more than once, This was God's will- there is is just know answer for the pain this one evokes.
5. This one is only said if you have more than one child, will at least you have ... healthy children- yeah really just interchangable. (Sorry I know my sense of humor is sarcastic)
6. My all time favorite*** Aren't you about over this by now it has been ... number of months.
After my daughter died these comments infuriated me. I have came to a peace with comments that are this stupid- and realized that society just does not know how to deal with loss of people who are young and use comments that might be used if someone died at 90 with lingering illness. I am now not shy about educating people of the inappropriatness or hurtfulness of the comment and advising them of an appropriate comment- "I am sorry".
Although I will say that only after my husbands pleas did I not rent a big lighted sign to put outside of the funeral home with the posting- of these are things you will not say upon entering.
I am sorry if my comments came across to strong with the sarcasm that sometimes help me make it through life, but in a wierd way it has helped find peace through peoples stupidity.
You sound like me. I always thought it was the Irish in me, maybe it's the Kansas in me?
Everything you said is right on target. And, educating people is what is needed thus one of the reasons for this thread. The other being is so people can feel free to vent how they are feeling at this second in time.
Peace4 is the one place the families can come together and share honestly and you my friend have done that so well! We are very honored and blessed that you have joined Peace4.