I feel selfish. Recently, my son-in-law plead guilty to killing my daughter.It was domestic violence. He maintains it was an accident.It was what he did after his account. He says he pushed her off their 4 foot deck and she broke her neck and she died instantly.(he may have pushed her off,she may have fallen or she may have jumped), but it was after he inflicted severe trama to her skull.He said he then "sat with her for a while" then loaded her into the car to take her body to the police in town about 25 miles away. He then changed his mind and took her back home where he put her in the truck,along with their canoe and rowed 4 miles upstream to deposit her on a little island. He approached the island but at the edge"lost her in the water" and then let it go. The story goes on and on and on....
I KNOW he is lieing. She is not in water. She is in a shallow grave,likely crammed in some sort of a container.It is an extremely remote,dense,dangerous area. Periodically, I go search for her.
There are thousands of families that would give anything to have their loved ones cases this advanced,even if the perpertraters not telling the truth,at least he's in prison.Sometimes I feel embarrassed to complain and guilty,as well.
Will it ever be over?!!! I NEED her body. Even one,single finger might suffice.
Does anyone know why I can't be satisfied?

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Yes. For most of us, if not all of us, concrete proof that they are dead or alive is a must. Most of us go through years of scenarios, people's assumptions not backed up with facts. Wild stories and lies. Having your loved one back so you can give them a decent burial is one of the last pieces of the emotional puzzle. There is no such thing as closure. How can you close the door on love and memories? You can't. But, putting the pieces of the puzzle all together will help the emotional pieces fall together in your head and this is far better than what you are living with now.

Don't settle, keep searching but make sure that emotionally you have the stamina, the balance in your life, to continue with your search. You didn't set out to get her killer you set out to find your daughter and that goal has not changed.

Maureen
Wow...you're so not selfish...you're amazing, beautiful, inspiring, brilliant, giving and such a source of peace, but...selfish? NO....you're so not selfish...you're a blessing...and you make sense...amidst this world of craziness your need for your daughter's body makes so much sense...more sense than anything else I've heard of in quite a while...and we support you in it too...xoxoxoxoxo
I DO!! I understand completely. I've watched as divers went down into a stripper pit one hot June 30th day in search for my Heather's body. I asked the diver to just bring me a piece of her hair. I don't know if Heather is alive or not. I don't have any evidence as you do, but I totally understand. You gave birth to your child and you need to say good-bye. It's called: dignity and honor of a proper good-bye...a funeral...It is what every human being born deserves. All any of us want that are searching for one of ours is the truth. We've been searching for our Heather since August 26, 1995. We've asked for immunity for anyone that knows anything. We've asked for the ones knowing to just anonymously to write a letter telling us where she is. I've even told people to not lick the envelope and wear gloves if they even think the police would try to catch them......Believe me...they DON'T! You cannot be satisfied because you are a mother...a mother must know! You are a mother that held your newborn daughter in your arms....you nursed her and watched her first smile...her first laugh...her first words..and her growing up were yours. She is still YOURS and you deserve to know where she has been all of this time and you deserve to choose where YOU want her remains to be. YOU ARE A MOTHER! That is why you cannot be satisfied until you have your little girl home! Matthew 10:26 says that there will be nothing hidden that won't be revealed. I am praying that your daughter be revealed to you.
Yes I do know what you are saying and why you are not satisfied with the story without any proof.
My daughter Danna Jou is missing since June 2007 and this guy is telling us that she did overdose and passed away and I gave her body to the sea.
No one has seen my daughter after midnight in his house and nobody heard anything. So how can I believe him that what he is telling the law is the truth. There is no evidence or body. And as her father said:"I don't know to mourn the lost of my baby or to look for her.
I choose to look for her and will not give up on my baby. God please watch over our missing loved ones.
Nili
Nili Jou, Oh,thank you so much for your reply and all the others,too. We are one,big sad family, but I feel we are all family. You all have helped me so much!Love,Marianne
I think about You, Reza and Donna all the time. I just wanted to tell you this.I know how impossible this is for we families. I love you all.
These types of people retain such inadequate personalities (paranoid, anti-social, and narcissistic), that the lack of "total control" in their own lives, spills over to the lives of their spouses, but is only truely available after their death.

When he gets out, he will go back to her body, and it is not available in any waterway.
Marianne I don't understand how you can say you feel embarassed to complain and guilty as well. Please don't feel this way. She is your child you raised her and love her beyond all limits.
There are many here who can identify with your pain, including me as well. My heart breaks listening to everyone suffering so much heartache. There are many good people here extending their hand of hope, love, peace and strength. This is such a healing place to be come walk with us.
I know you will not rest until you find your daughter and give her a proper resting place. Trust in the Lord, He will bring you peace in your heart and guide your way.
Look to the future and Always have Hope.
It OK it's OK Yes You need to know the TRUTH! Your soul your mind needs the truth you need closure Its OK there are many others like you sad to say its not uncommon? Don't let someone browbeat you into feeling selfish and never satisfied routine darn WOMEN they are NEVER ATISFIED with ANYTHING! OR.. Can't you ever be happy let it go you have the killer isn'y that enough DOn't let that type of verbal abuse bring in aspects and days/nights of self doubt DON'T!! YOU LOST your daughter!!!!
You have made my day,thank you so much! You are beautiful and I love you too,Marianne
I feel like people should "NEVER" feel the need to appologize for the hell they are experienceing. They should "NEVER" feel guilty or embaressed either! Your feelings are "normal". And also, you are not the only person on the face of the earth to ever feel this way. Hence, Peace For The Missing... Hang in there mamasita, charish the dreams you have of your daughter maybe the answer lies there...
So well said, Christina! Thank you so much for your compassionate and encouraging words ... xoxo

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