Waiting For My Nightmare To Completely End

[Angie/admin]

I was sitting on the picnic table in the garage drinking a beer with Eric and his cousins. Passing time before the viewing. Carey brought my phone to me and said that my phone was blowing up. My sister was trying to get a hold of me..I checked my phone and I had three text messages. I opened the text from my sister and it read "DNA confirmed it is mom!!!" I was so surprised. I started freaking out. I grabbed my crutches and got up saying "I got to go" "Oh my god". I started crutching down the driveway away from everyone and it hit me in the face and I lost every ounce of energy I had. I sat on the bumper of my mother in laws car with tears in my eyes, I called my sister and when I heard her voice I began to cry. I honestly don't remember what I said to her or what she said to me at that point. My husband walked up to me put his arm around me and I lost it..I started sobbing uncontrolably, I handed him the phone because I could not speak...I finally pulled myself together and took the phone back and spoke to Jen for a few minutes and then hung up.....

I went to the viewing that night trying to put my own greif for my mother aside and be supportive for my husband and focus on the loss of grandma Rose...I felt many emotions through out the night. I was relieved at first. Then happy and last but not least I felt very sad...All that kept running through my mind was how badly I wanted to lock myself in a room and curl up and cry my heart out but I didn't and still haven't..

I have been home for three days now and I have been so busy that I have not had the time nor found the time to just let it all out...I am craving so badly to be alone and just shed the deepest tears, cry until my head hurts, My eyes are swollen and my nose is raw. Release all that I have had to hold inside of me for almost seven years.. I can finally complete my grieving, the grieving that has been on hold now for way to long...I know now where my mother has been all these years and we now are able to lay her to rest the way she so rightfully deserves....

I have been a puzzle that was incomplete and now my pieces are fitting snug and I am becoming whole again... However there is one little piece to my puzzle that is still left to the side. And I anxiously wait for that piece to be put in it's place...And that is the death of Fulks and Basham..Then and only then I can truly say that my nightmare is over and has ended....

[mary potter]

Angie, I feel so sad for you. I am happy that your mom has been found and that you are reunited. But no matter what anyone says, I agree that as long as they are missing, there is always a small hope that they will come back. I know that my son Tim is gone, but when it comes down to being told for sure, I don't really know what I will do. I love you and pray for you that everything will turn out alright. you have brought so many good feelings to persons on this site, that you deserve some good feelings in return. Maybe your other problems can be solved.soon. Thank you for being you. Know always that we all care about you and if you ever need to talk or vent, go right ahead. Your mom is with God now in a beautiful place. I know that doesn't lessen the grief, but it may help you to go on. Love and Hugs to you. I'd send you a beautiful picture, but haven't learned how yet. Love, Tim's Mom Mary

[Karla Edwards]

Thank you for sharing this. It brought back so many memories of my sister. When she went missing I knew she was dead deep down in my heart, but when the detective came to tell me that the dna came back and it was Cheryl, I was so unprepared. There are no words to describe the pain you feel when it is confirmed. No matter how many times you talk about what you think may have happened to your loved one when you hear those words and all hope is gone, it's devastating. My heart goes out to you and your family. Your in my prayers.

Karla

[Cynthia Turner]

Angie,
There are no words to describe the pain and sorrow you are going threw , but you need to cry and get it out. I cry each and every night , I kiss my son's picture and tell him how much I love and miss him and I fall asleep with his picture on my chest.So stay strong and cry any time and as much as you want.
God Bless You Angie

[Gwen Johnson]

Ange my heart hurts for you and although I never went through my mother missing and her body never being found, this brings back memories for me of when my mother passed and how long it took for me to grieve for her. I am so proud of you Ange, for the woman you are and for the advocate that you are, and for your strength and your courage. I know when the time is right it will come and you will find that release that you have been looking for. I know it can happen it took me five years. I know it will for you too. Your always in my heart and always in my thoughts. You are so loved Ange.

[debbie exum]

Angie,
I'm new here but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. When I lost my mother I waited until the funeral was over and everyone had gone home, then I did exactly what you wrote. I locked myself in my room and just cried.
My mom died after a stroke so my loss was much different than yours. I can't imagine all you and your family have endured.
Years ago when I was in nusing school a wise nurse told me that people are never ready to lose someone they love. She was right. I have watched families stand by the bedside day after day. They get to the point where they think they are ready to say goodbye but they never are.
Your situation has been even harder. I would guess that you have longed for this day but also dreaded it. It must be so hard to let her go and say goodbye.
Maybe soon you will get that alone time and let the little girl in you just cry. I like to think that our tears are the beginning of our healing. It's like God knew we would need a way to let the pain out. I know he cares about you. It seems you also have many friends on this site. So many people care for you.
I am praying that God will hold you in his arms and give you those healing tears that may help you to begin to heal.
I am praying for you and your family.
Debbie

[Stephanie Thompson]

I am crying right now thinking of how you must feel. I know that when its my "turn" I am going to lose it. When the time comes that you can be alone and let it out it will probably feel so good. Bless you sweety and take care of yourself.

[Maureen Reintjes-Peace4 Admin]

Angie,

If you don't release the tears in yourself through your writing about your emotions you certainly release them in us. God bless you.....your Mom has been right there with you the whole time, guiding you and as a parent does sometimes stepping away and letting you fall while watching you from heaven but her love has always been right there surrounding you ... that love never went away nor will it ever...nor can anyone ever take it away.

Maureen

[Miranda Rhuda]

Sara said Ange! You do need to keep writing. Sometimes it is the only way to completely let everything out. Don't think about who you are writing to or where you are writing it, just open a word pad on the computer, turn on some mood music and let it all out onto the paper. Don't think about whether or not it makes sense... just let it flow out! It is so therapeutic. It's the way that I alleviate some of my pain sometimes!

[Sara Huizenga]

Describing your pain as horrific does not even touch the surface, my heart breaks for you and I have no "magic words" to make anything better...and I'm so sorry, sweet Angie...and love you...and so many prayers...

You NEED to keep writing! It's your gift, healing and outreach to so many others...keep writing, dear friend...xoxoxoxoxo