Sometimes, in my dreams, I’m talking with my brother and laughing and
talking about those topics we use to discuss long ago. My only regret
is that I wake, thinking about picking up a phone to call, only to
discover that there is no way of contacting him. I had such a dream
this past Christmas…
Such is the life I live with the unfortunate outlook of experiencing
that same loss with other members of the family and friends. And it’s a
rude awakening to this fact of life that we seem to overlook. I see it
in the simple gestures and subtle actions of my family when I leave:
They do not want me to leave as there are no promises of tomorrow. I am
the same way.
We reminisce about the old days of when he was with us and the goofy
and absurd acts he performed to only make us laugh. After an hour or so
of conversation and reliving those days, the now dawns on us… It’s
dreaming and reaching for those old times that passed without us
knowing. The pain sets in when we realize that there is no going back
but we must adhere to the laws of time and move forward. Even while
dreaming we miss those precious hours of our lives.
When you walk away from someone, there’s no guarantee that you will see
them again or have the ability to call. Will they stand above your
grave and weep or will you stand above there’s with regret? That
question will be answered one day as that is promised.
When you are with that person, it’s a blessing, an opportune time to
spend what little time you both have in this life. That moment is given
to you. How will you dispose of it? In anger that can only lead to
regret as when you walk away you both fade from each others' site as
the time fades. There’s no guarantee, this I know all too well.
I never said goodbye. I never hugged or said, “I love you.” No, when I
walked away I expected to see him again. My memory contains something
rather painful that’s been tucked away, however it is like a sore in my
mind, swelling and stinging. He wanted to talk with me, just me. He
needed to talk to me and I never spared any time and when he left, he
never came back. Will you suffer that same regret for a lifetime? A
lifetime, it seems, can feel like an eternity and it’s a possibility
that it will be…
Ask yourself, what will you let come between you that will prevent you
from holding on to those you need? What is more important: a petty
argument, a silly grudge, or being with that person, communicating,
spending the moments that are given to you?
My fate I must live with and move on while carrying this burden of
regret, this memory. The pain is extreme and burns as if hell resides
in my very own soul. As a man, I must continue to travel this life
seeking the East and hopefully I’ll see my brother again. But it seems
like forever and that I can’t get there soon enough.
But during this travel, I can’t but to notice you making a similar
mistake. Anger is not worth a lifetime of pain. Love can be as a living
hell burning the soul while walking this earth when it comes to putting
away someone due to petty in-differences. Why risk it?
Material and worldly possessions and acts can never fill the void
in that heart. Only that person can do that…Perhaps the reason why
Jesus tells us to forgive as that void will eventually bring you to
your knees. A person once told me that holding grudges only hurts the
one who holds it and that grudge will tear that person apart from
within. It all leads back to the grave…One way or another that regret
will be waiting, even in the afterlife, if you do not reconcile with
the loved one. Perhaps, yet another reason, Jesus tells us to reconcile
with the one who we are angered with or who transgressed against us.
One thing that we can be sure of is that when we play the forgiveness
card in life, we will not regret it but feel a sense of relief and
truly experience the blessing of that moment.
That’s just the opinion and advice of one traveling man.