Cyber snooping 49 year old parent turns to cyber bullying and results in suicide of 13 year old girl

[Peas In Their Pods]

written by Affrodite (a freelance journalist/blogger), affrodite.net






(photo of suicide victim Megan Meiers)

The story of 13 year old Megan Meier's suicide from O'Fallon, Missouri as the result of cyber bullying by 3 main conspirators (a parent, her 13 year old daughter and a 19 year old female co-worker) who befriended Megan on MySpace under the fictitious identity of a 16 year old boy named Josh Evans raises more questions than answers.

As parents, how far is too far when snooping on your children and their friends?

How should these cases be handled in the judicial system?

Who owns the culpability in these cases? Just the conspirators? MySpace? Both? Neither?

While the notion of bullying has been around since the beginning of time and gained a lot of media attention lately with the suicides (also hanged themselves) of 11 year olds Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover from Massachusetts and Jaheem Herrera from Georgia, cyber bullying is fairly new. As such, many states do not have adequate legislation to prosecute cases such as Megan's.

WHAT HAPPENED...

The Drew family lived down the street from the Meier family. Lori Drew's daughter Sarah was friends with Megan Meier for a period of time, and then they had a falling out that ultimately ended their friendship. For reasons that I could not find documented, Lori grew curious about what Megan was saying about her daughter. One day at the Drew home, Lori, her daughter Sarah, and a co-worker named Ashley Grills began to plot how to connect with Megan anonymously in order to learn what she was saying about her former friend Sarah.

Grills was in the kitchen with Drew and Sarah, Lori Drew’s then-13-year-old daughter, when she proposed creating a fake MySpace account to get information on Megan. Drew applauded the plan, and thought it was funny, but did not herself conceive it, Grills said.

The three of them crowded around Drew’s computer as Grills set up the account. None of the three read MySpace’s terms-of-service first, said Grills. As Grills began, Lori and Sarah Drew left for soccer practice, urging Grills to finish up in their absence.

"I made him out to be, I guess, a skater-kid with a bad attitude," Grills said. She described him on his profile as home-schooled, "so nobody could dig up any information on him or go to the school where he was supposedly from." She obtained a photo of a boy from a Google search.

When Lori and Sarah Drew returned, "Lori commented that the kid was pretty good-looking, and that I basically did a good job," said Grills. The Drews then urged Grills to send Megan a friend request as Josh.

Over the course of about a month, "Josh" struck up a flirtatious relationship with Meier, primarily under the control of Grills and Drew’s daughter, with Drew present for about 50% of the communications the first week. Both Sarah Drew and Grills began to get cold feet — "we thought we would get in trouble because it’s illegal to make up fake MySpace [accounts]" — but Drew told them not to worry. "It was fine, and people do it all the time," Grills recalled Drew saying.

(source: Wired.com Government's Star Witness Stumbles...)

You should read the full account from the link above on Wired.com, but essentially in the end, the ladies decided to back out of this charade by having "Josh Evans" become disinterested in Megan. As any 13 year teen would react, Megan was heartbroken by the exchange of harsh words that were something to the effect that the world would be better off without her. Shortly thereafter, Megan made a irreversible decision to end her life and hanged herself at her home just down the street from the Drew family.

REFLECTION...

Megan was likely already suffering from depression unbeknownst to the "Josh Evans" collective and perhaps even her own family. I did not read any statements that she was seeing a therapist and/or taking any prescription antidepressants. For so many reasons, Megan Meier did not have to leave this earth.

I hope you read this story as another reminder to not only talk to your children but more importantly listen, listen, listen! It's especially hard to connect with adolescent teenagers, but it's still very important.

What could Megan's parents have done differently?

Do you monitor your children's internet activity? To what extent? How far is too far?

After reading this, who is to blame?

Do you feel this story is truly cyber bullying?

I was wondering why Ashley Grills, the co-worker, was not being prosecuted but I read in that same article quoted earlier that she was given immunity in order to get her testimony. To some extent, I understand that decision, but I'm also saddened because it seems like Ashley played a huge role in this case.

The legal proceedings in itself have been complicated. Missouri, like many states, did not have legislation that would specifically apply to cyber bullying. In order to prosecute Lori Drew, she was charged with a misdemeanor offense. "Drew is charged with one count of conspiracy and three counts of unauthorized computer access for allegedly violating MySpace’s terms of service..." (source: Wired.com article Lori Drew Jury Nears Verdict...). Actually, the case names MySpace as the "victim" rather than Megan. Missouri Governor Blunt is working to approve legislation to better handle these types of cases in the future and make them felonies.

In closing, remember that bullying and harassment takes on many different forms and is not reserved to just children. As a parent, think before you retaliate and teach your children the same. It could save a life.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

I found that Wired.com had a wealth of articles on this particular case. Here are a few other links that I did not already mention:

Blog Readers Out Anonymous Adults that Newspaper Refused to Identify

Cyberbullying Suicide Stokes the Internet Fury Machine

Here are some articles from other publications:

St. Louis Today- Judge to Sentence Lori Drew Today in Cyber-Bullying Case

CBS News- Woman Indicted in Cyber-Bullying Case

MSNBC (video)- Neighbor Faces Jail for MySpace Hoax

[Cheree]

To me i beilive that it is both Grills and Megan Meiers family are to blame if Grills never would have faked the account then megan would have never thought that she had a crush and the parents/family of megan should have seen depression and or should have talked to her more about situations like so. My little sister is 8 and i watch what she does on the computer as well/ Many kids out there who are only like 9 or 10 have myspaces and putting the age of 16 or older. I have two little boys that i know on my myspace that are 8 and 12 and they say they are 14 or 15. Its so sad what can effect young ones today