Missing and Abused Persons Awareness and Support
Feeding On Ashes (The Male Mentality) Sequel to Women, How Do You See Yourself?
Forgive the lengthy message but I needed to respond to the questions brought up in Women, How Do You See yourself? Such as what did I do to make him hate me so much? Will my sun shine again? (Paraphrased). And other questions and responses.
Feeding On Ashes
My heart goes out to you ladies. I have tears as I read each testimony. Each story contains a whisper of desperation and it is almost like each of you are tacitly implicating the same cry…when will my sun shine?
I want to share with you some things about men. Because I am male with the natural play book of a male I can share these short thoughts.
Men were instilled with the responsibility to protect and provide. Men are originally and naturally equipped with this mentality and propensity.
Abuse and domestic violence goes way back millions of years. It was not known as abuse, overbearing, or possessiveness. It was close to being accepted as the male’s entitlement to women.
Almost fortunately for women who were hard pressed by the brutality of the unevolved male mentality in Roman Empire days the perception of women evolved somewhat into that of a sex goddess.
Beautiful and ornate drawings and pictures discovered during excavations depicted that of the woman being caressed, cared for, and pampered.
However, the male’s weakness and failure to harness that respect evolved into uncontrolled lust. This translated into the males not attending to other matters such as household duties of provision and protection, planning and what would amount to modern day familial administration. This male deficiency converted into the overall failure and collapse of the Roman Empire for while they were focused on all play and no work more refined men like Alexander and others were stalking and quietly building armies and administrations that later conquered these empires.
Even today, men cannot seem to realize that there is more to women and marriage than lust, sex, dance, wine, and song as good as these things are when used wisely and in their place. There is home keeping, repairs, lawn maintenance, window washing, vehicle maintenance, soccer games, Boy Scout meetings, church, and the “W” word…Work.
The lawn is a foot high, the roof leaks, the garbage disposal is broken, the yard is full of fleas, the oil hasn’t been changed in a year, one tire is bald threatening a breakdown in the middle of the night on a dark road, the kids need help with grammar, and the buck of the house wonders why his little Bambi is eating oats in someone else’s pasture. This is the origin of many valid “Dear John” letters.
When these items are overlooked and men constantly focus on the pleasures trouble will ensue.
If you have to kick your man out of bed each morning and make him go to work. If you are fussed at when you even so much as insinuate that the garbage disposal is making a really weird sound. If your man watches basketball three times as much as he looks at you. If the only moments you have his attention is when you walk nude to the laundry room to get a house robe. If…if…if…you are headed for trouble. This is the mentality of the male who refuses to conquer his ego and mentality that is way off the tracks.
Another Woman
Then there is another woman. The married woman. The married woman was not perceived nor received as such so much as the woman maiden, mistress, or even friend. She was dismissed from the room with that obnoxious wave of the hand. She was required to read minds and body language. Much like today women are expected to read minds and body language. Ladies, the next time your man yells get me a beer he should be wearing Bud.
This mentality is ever present even today.
Men’s mentality changes, it seems, toward the married woman. Men date women in a different light. Men marry women in a totally different light. The male mentality changes with marriage and the man sees the woman as an obligated piece of flesh for washing, cooking, and having babies while the male plays outside in some else’s sandbox.
Does your man open the door for you anymore? I know men today in their senior years who continue to take their wife dancing, open the door, pull out the chair for them, and top the evening off with a prescription of Viagra. Laugh. I know men who offer these amenities to their spouses and partners and yet manage to keep the house repaired and show up at soccer.
Where does the male mentality originate that eyes the married woman or significant other with such evil and hateful vulgarity?
It was instilled in men from the start. Did this evil morph God’s fault? Nope.
God provided a healthy male mentality. It is up to the man to harness that power and use it wisely.
Even Adam blamed his mistake for his diet on Eve. Sound familiar? Cain blamed his uncontrollable temper on Abel’s best work and performance. David blamed Bathsheba for her naked beauty. But it was David who couldn't keep it in his pants or skirt or whatever kings wore.
Ladies, it is not your fault that your man cannot control his temper. It is not your responsibility to change him. It is his responsibility.
It is not your fault that he cannot control his testosterone toward other women. It is not your fault that he cannot control his hate for himself and takes his hate out on you by dispensing harsh words and beatings. He certainly is not going to hurt himself so he hurts you.
It is almost like men cannot handle the virtues of a woman and instead of worshipping her, providing selflessly, and protecting her, the male takes out his jealousy of her beauty, passion, talent, and virtues on the woman.
My God, we men need to harness the passion we use in defying the godly voracious beauty and virtues of women. If we could do that we could win wars, cure cancer, build fortresses, and invent a world of peace and love. All with the raw male mentality that we use against the most important counterpart of our existence next to God and that is woman!
Whose fault is it?
It is the male’s fault not yours O tormented women who has spent 30 years crying O why cannot I please him?
It is the total responsibility to the male to change. We can win wars, invent cars and cotton gins but we cannot figure out how to win the war of the poisoned male mentality that allows ourselves to go to pot.
The unharnessed male mentality is compared to a lie.
Old Testament Isaiah 44:20 gives insight into the male mentality. It says” That kind of man feeds on ashes. A deluded mind has led him astray so that he cannot release himself or even ask is what I am doing a lie?” The Amplified Bible.
When you ask “Why can’t I please him? Why does he hate me so much? What more could I have done to make things good? When does this all end?
Here’s an answer.
You will never please a man who is sold on his faults and self. He holds a lie in his hand and will not let it go. Everything he thinks of himself is a lie yet he is too overcome with self and mental imaginations of his own self-legend.
He hates you not for anything you have “not” done but for what you have done. What did you do? You were pretty. You were smart. You have talent. You have administration ability. You are a work of art. You are a carrier of life. You are highly esteemed in the eyes of some else.
He cannot handle those wonderful traits and he hates you for that. Worse he hates himself.
A man who hates others hates himself first but he is not going to harm himself is he?
No, he is going to hurt you. Therein lies the abuse and violence. Woman, it is not your fault that your man refuses to see you and acknowledge that you are better or more efficient at some things than he is.
It is not your fault that he cannot come to grips that you earn more than he does. And if it ends in abuse and violence, then divorce him because you will be on a better path if you follow through.
He is willing to beat you, rape you as a venue of his own hurting, pull your hair and heart out while crying I love you. Because he cannot conquer himself.
He is feeding on ashes. The ashes of his own self delusion and self-satisfaction.
What do you do?
Pray for him then leave him. I encourage one to watch the movie Diary of A Mad Black Woman. Cicely Tyson hit the nail on the head. “You don’t need a man. You need God.”
The young woman forgave her attacker and accuser then dropped the ring on him and said “I don’t love you anymore.” Then she went and found her knight in shining armor that knew how to work, make a living, and still show her love and affection.
My advice is to first seek God and his righteousness. Matthew 6:33.
Then leave that sack of dirt that has caused you so much tormented nights and doubt of your own adequacy.
You can please God.
You can please yourself but you must overcome the guilt of pleasing yourself.
You can please another man. But you cannot please a man who is sold on himself ands sees himself as God and denies his purpose and existence in a predestined realm where there can be only one God, one woman, and one man equally apart and independent yet equally dependent on the other.
The Greek word for man is ish. It means identity. The Greek word for woman is ishash. It means identity. This tells us that man and woman were made equal.
Do what you must to obtain your liberty. Then fly.
Allow the wings of God to carry you to the clouds of love and purpose that you so desperately seek.
How do I heal the past?
By proceeding to the future. It will take years to overcome the past because there are so many reminders, sights, and scenes to remind you of occurrences.
But if you are sincere about serving God in your purpose for which you were created and that is subdue, conquer, build, invent, propagate, make others like you, name your successes, and shine as women you will place the past behind you. Sever the cords that bind if it takes a little slash at a time to the ropes that hold you bound and lifeless.
“You will forget the shame of your youth. You will not remember your widowhood any longer.”
The Lord calls you as He would call a forsaken woman grieved in spirit. Isaiah 54:4-7 Quotes from Amplified Bible.
Much love;
Jim Harnage
Silent Ministries, Inc.
Feeding On Ashes
My heart goes out to you ladies. I have tears as I read each testimony. Each story contains a whisper of desperation and it is almost like each of you are tacitly implicating the same cry…when will my sun shine?
I want to share with you some things about men. Because I am male with the natural play book of a male I can share these short thoughts.
Men were instilled with the responsibility to protect and provide. Men are originally and naturally equipped with this mentality and propensity.
Abuse and domestic violence goes way back millions of years. It was not known as abuse, overbearing, or possessiveness. It was close to being accepted as the male’s entitlement to women.
Almost fortunately for women who were hard pressed by the brutality of the unevolved male mentality in Roman Empire days the perception of women evolved somewhat into that of a sex goddess.
Beautiful and ornate drawings and pictures discovered during excavations depicted that of the woman being caressed, cared for, and pampered.
However, the male’s weakness and failure to harness that respect evolved into uncontrolled lust. This translated into the males not attending to other matters such as household duties of provision and protection, planning and what would amount to modern day familial administration. This male deficiency converted into the overall failure and collapse of the Roman Empire for while they were focused on all play and no work more refined men like Alexander and others were stalking and quietly building armies and administrations that later conquered these empires.
Even today, men cannot seem to realize that there is more to women and marriage than lust, sex, dance, wine, and song as good as these things are when used wisely and in their place. There is home keeping, repairs, lawn maintenance, window washing, vehicle maintenance, soccer games, Boy Scout meetings, church, and the “W” word…Work.
The lawn is a foot high, the roof leaks, the garbage disposal is broken, the yard is full of fleas, the oil hasn’t been changed in a year, one tire is bald threatening a breakdown in the middle of the night on a dark road, the kids need help with grammar, and the buck of the house wonders why his little Bambi is eating oats in someone else’s pasture. This is the origin of many valid “Dear John” letters.
When these items are overlooked and men constantly focus on the pleasures trouble will ensue.
If you have to kick your man out of bed each morning and make him go to work. If you are fussed at when you even so much as insinuate that the garbage disposal is making a really weird sound. If your man watches basketball three times as much as he looks at you. If the only moments you have his attention is when you walk nude to the laundry room to get a house robe. If…if…if…you are headed for trouble. This is the mentality of the male who refuses to conquer his ego and mentality that is way off the tracks.
Another Woman
Then there is another woman. The married woman. The married woman was not perceived nor received as such so much as the woman maiden, mistress, or even friend. She was dismissed from the room with that obnoxious wave of the hand. She was required to read minds and body language. Much like today women are expected to read minds and body language. Ladies, the next time your man yells get me a beer he should be wearing Bud.
This mentality is ever present even today.
Men’s mentality changes, it seems, toward the married woman. Men date women in a different light. Men marry women in a totally different light. The male mentality changes with marriage and the man sees the woman as an obligated piece of flesh for washing, cooking, and having babies while the male plays outside in some else’s sandbox.
Does your man open the door for you anymore? I know men today in their senior years who continue to take their wife dancing, open the door, pull out the chair for them, and top the evening off with a prescription of Viagra. Laugh. I know men who offer these amenities to their spouses and partners and yet manage to keep the house repaired and show up at soccer.
Where does the male mentality originate that eyes the married woman or significant other with such evil and hateful vulgarity?
It was instilled in men from the start. Did this evil morph God’s fault? Nope.
God provided a healthy male mentality. It is up to the man to harness that power and use it wisely.
Even Adam blamed his mistake for his diet on Eve. Sound familiar? Cain blamed his uncontrollable temper on Abel’s best work and performance. David blamed Bathsheba for her naked beauty. But it was David who couldn't keep it in his pants or skirt or whatever kings wore.
Ladies, it is not your fault that your man cannot control his temper. It is not your responsibility to change him. It is his responsibility.
It is not your fault that he cannot control his testosterone toward other women. It is not your fault that he cannot control his hate for himself and takes his hate out on you by dispensing harsh words and beatings. He certainly is not going to hurt himself so he hurts you.
It is almost like men cannot handle the virtues of a woman and instead of worshipping her, providing selflessly, and protecting her, the male takes out his jealousy of her beauty, passion, talent, and virtues on the woman.
My God, we men need to harness the passion we use in defying the godly voracious beauty and virtues of women. If we could do that we could win wars, cure cancer, build fortresses, and invent a world of peace and love. All with the raw male mentality that we use against the most important counterpart of our existence next to God and that is woman!
Whose fault is it?
It is the male’s fault not yours O tormented women who has spent 30 years crying O why cannot I please him?
It is the total responsibility to the male to change. We can win wars, invent cars and cotton gins but we cannot figure out how to win the war of the poisoned male mentality that allows ourselves to go to pot.
The unharnessed male mentality is compared to a lie.
Old Testament Isaiah 44:20 gives insight into the male mentality. It says” That kind of man feeds on ashes. A deluded mind has led him astray so that he cannot release himself or even ask is what I am doing a lie?” The Amplified Bible.
When you ask “Why can’t I please him? Why does he hate me so much? What more could I have done to make things good? When does this all end?
Here’s an answer.
You will never please a man who is sold on his faults and self. He holds a lie in his hand and will not let it go. Everything he thinks of himself is a lie yet he is too overcome with self and mental imaginations of his own self-legend.
He hates you not for anything you have “not” done but for what you have done. What did you do? You were pretty. You were smart. You have talent. You have administration ability. You are a work of art. You are a carrier of life. You are highly esteemed in the eyes of some else.
He cannot handle those wonderful traits and he hates you for that. Worse he hates himself.
A man who hates others hates himself first but he is not going to harm himself is he?
No, he is going to hurt you. Therein lies the abuse and violence. Woman, it is not your fault that your man refuses to see you and acknowledge that you are better or more efficient at some things than he is.
It is not your fault that he cannot come to grips that you earn more than he does. And if it ends in abuse and violence, then divorce him because you will be on a better path if you follow through.
He is willing to beat you, rape you as a venue of his own hurting, pull your hair and heart out while crying I love you. Because he cannot conquer himself.
He is feeding on ashes. The ashes of his own self delusion and self-satisfaction.
What do you do?
Pray for him then leave him. I encourage one to watch the movie Diary of A Mad Black Woman. Cicely Tyson hit the nail on the head. “You don’t need a man. You need God.”
The young woman forgave her attacker and accuser then dropped the ring on him and said “I don’t love you anymore.” Then she went and found her knight in shining armor that knew how to work, make a living, and still show her love and affection.
My advice is to first seek God and his righteousness. Matthew 6:33.
Then leave that sack of dirt that has caused you so much tormented nights and doubt of your own adequacy.
You can please God.
You can please yourself but you must overcome the guilt of pleasing yourself.
You can please another man. But you cannot please a man who is sold on himself ands sees himself as God and denies his purpose and existence in a predestined realm where there can be only one God, one woman, and one man equally apart and independent yet equally dependent on the other.
The Greek word for man is ish. It means identity. The Greek word for woman is ishash. It means identity. This tells us that man and woman were made equal.
Do what you must to obtain your liberty. Then fly.
Allow the wings of God to carry you to the clouds of love and purpose that you so desperately seek.
How do I heal the past?
By proceeding to the future. It will take years to overcome the past because there are so many reminders, sights, and scenes to remind you of occurrences.
But if you are sincere about serving God in your purpose for which you were created and that is subdue, conquer, build, invent, propagate, make others like you, name your successes, and shine as women you will place the past behind you. Sever the cords that bind if it takes a little slash at a time to the ropes that hold you bound and lifeless.
“You will forget the shame of your youth. You will not remember your widowhood any longer.”
The Lord calls you as He would call a forsaken woman grieved in spirit. Isaiah 54:4-7 Quotes from Amplified Bible.
Much love;
Jim Harnage
Silent Ministries, Inc.
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Comment by Sara/Peace4 Co-Founder on June 12, 2009 at 8:08pm -
I'm just going to weave all of your words here, our cherished Jim, into this beautiful blanket and wrap my girls and I in it each night....I know we will be sleeping better now as a result...
thank you
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Comment by jerdonna on June 12, 2009 at 11:15pm - sara said it ,women do have more emotions then men, thats my opinion only because men try to be stronger and hold alot in when it comes to some things....and i also cherish your words and wisdom....
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Comment by Sara/Peace4 Co-Founder on June 12, 2009 at 11:50pm
-
quoting Jim here...love this...
Allow the wings of God to carry you to the clouds of love and purpose that you so desperately seek.
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Comment by judy on June 13, 2009 at 2:54pm
- thanks jim we need more man like you,
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Comment by Jim Harnage on June 15, 2009 at 11:45am -
You are welcome Judy. Remember to remind yourself today that you are special, very talented, and very blessed.
Love
Jim
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