Voice Platform and Support Network for Families of Missing and Victims of Crime
To The Families of Abducted Children....
This article is written by an adult abducted child who constantly lives in fear of her/his abductor
and will describe the problems she/he faces when looking for birth
families. It will also give you things to consider when creating your
Most families have the only contact set up to be the police. Let me tell you about two encounters that I had with Police.
If your child was abducted you need to know that when they grow up it is their responsibility to PROVE they were abducted
One time I contacted my local police to try and get my DNA entered into
CODIS to see if I might match any DNA from missing families. CODIS is
the US data base for DNA for the missing.
The police officer told me that I would have to get my (abductors) parents who I told him
abducted me to agree to DNA testing first and prove that they were
not my parents. Now if someone abducts a child would they ever
volunteer to do DNA testing? I would also have to pay for this which
would cost me about 10,000 dollars. He asked me if I had that kind of
money and when I said NO he said then maybe I should get back to him
when I did! CODIS is a free service. I did eventually get my DNA into
CODIS but it took me about 1.5 years to get it done because of these
types of problems.
My abductor murdered people and made me watch. I know this is hard to hear but that was my life. So one time
I went to the local FBI to file a report because people suggested I
do that. A friend went with me but they would not allow her in during
the interview. He was horrible to me. After I told him the things
that I went through he told me well I think I will just go call your
abductor right now and see what he says. I said after what I just
told you he did you are going to call him and tell him I am saying
this? He said what is he going to do abduct you again? Then at one
point he also said that he lived in NY and people in NY got murdered
was I going to say he is a murderer? Now think about it .... I was
reporting someone who I saw murder people. Why would I say that about
him if I never saw him murder anyone. BUT why on earth would this FBI
agent say these things to me? The only thing I could think of was
that He just did not care and did not believe me. If they have
suffered at the hands of the police like I have your child just won’t
make the contact. It can be a family friend who will help screen
things or an organization or a PI. It has to be discreet and private
in case the abductor is still alive and might be threatening them.
When I originally contacted National Center for Missing and Exploited children they told me they were not set up to help people
like me. I asked them if the parents know they tell abduction victims
that. I now have a case listed with them but they refuse to post my
picture since I cannot prove that my abductors are not my real
parents. ARE YOU SERIOUS? So if your child was abducted you need to
know that when they grow up it is their responsibility to PROVE they
were abducted. So if your three year old was taken the abductor will
get rid of all evidence to avoid getting caught and then brainwash
your child to erase their memories. BUT when they grow up they MUST
PROVE that they were abducted. So just know that this is the battle
your child will face day in and day out! Coupled with the fear of
being found out by the abductor that they remember enough to be
searching for their FAMILY!
Traumaand memories ...
If you were to research trauma and the memory you could see that when trauma occurs it creates changes in your memory. Traumatic memories
come back in different ways than regular memories. So in order to
help your child while they are searching your websites should contain
things that they will know for sure and other things that will
trigger their memories...
Here is a list of things that they will know for sure. Please list these on your website...
Illnesses (allergies, chicken pox marks, stitches etc..)
Do not make them contact you to find them out. Seeing them on your site and if it matches them it may give them the courage to take the next
step. Please know that this is very hard and scary for your child to
do no matter how old they are.
You can also based on your child's current age list things that they might have due to heredity. Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, etc ..
Now list things that your child might remember or things that might bring back a memory for them. Help them remember. If they are
searching they have already remembered something. That is what has
made them reach out and search!
On your website post things like their mom singing the song they used to sing to them at bed time or
when they would hold them. Post pictures of their house they may
have had dreams about these things. Post pictures or names of
favorite pets. Siblings. Best Friends. Teachers their school.
Favorite games or activities.
Because of the way traumatic memories work they may have named a current pet the same name or
children after siblings just because they feel a special connection
to these names. Take a picture of so many things right after they
are abducted to post when they are older to help them get home.
Nicknames that you had for them. multiple pictures of them.
Now the other thing to know is that memory can be very different based on a child’s
age. So check with a good child psychologist and ask what your child
might retain based on their age that will come back to them later in
life. Just try to also remember if your child had more of a
photographic memory they may remember more like an older child might
remember. So it would be good to find out what a child within a two
year range from your child might remember. so if your child is 5
find out what a 5-7 year old would remember. Please consult someone
who has experience with traumatic memory. Dr Besel Van d Kolk
specializes in this.
Things to consider for creating your search....
Make your website search able by YOUR child. When you finish your web site take the list of things your child would know for sure and might
remember based on their age. Then sit at a computer and google these
things. Does your website come up on top ? If not start over!
Most of the missing children websites have the child’s
name and location of abduction and date. YOUR child will probably not
know these things so they will probably not find your website. This
is such a shame. So let’s change that. Forget all the things you
know about your child and try to just think about what your child
knows about themselves before being abducted using the list you
created. Make your website work for THEM!
if your child was abducted in 1972 make your website come up if your child Googles
abduction or kidnapping in the 70s. Your child will probably know
possible years but not exact dates. You should still include where
they were taken from because if they don’t remember but see it on
your site they can Google the area and see if it causes them to
remember more! But you should be able to Google just the things your
child would know and have it come up on Google on the top of the
list! YOU need to be your CHILDS advocate in searching! YOUR child
might look at your information over and over before ever attempting
to contact your contact information.
If you hear from someone please remember if this is not YOUR child it may be someone else’s
child who was abducted. Lets all help each other out and love these
children even if they are not our children. Know that their parents
or family probably want them home too! Please start out by believing
them! There is always time to disprove the ones that are fakes. But
if you don't believe them you will lose the chance to help the real
abduction victims. They will go away out of fear and discouragement
and then they may not search again for years. Even if they seem
convinced they are YOUR child remember we are all looking for
answers. They have taken a BIG step by contacting you. If their story
sounds crazy or wild guess what? Abductors are sick twisted bad
people and their life may have been a bit crazy! That does not mean
that your love has not helped them survive and that they will not be
OK! It just means that their story may sound unreal to you.
Many parents think that when their child grows up they will just come home. I wish it were that simple ...
First of all YOUR child probably does not know how to get home.
Second YOUR child's abductor may be controlling them well into their
adult life. The other victims of abduction who I have met this is one
common theme. The fear of their abductor even in their 50s. Fear they
will harm their family (spouses and children or them)
So if someone does contact you please be sensitive of their situation. Do
NOT ask too many questions. You may scare them away. NEVER ask them
in the beginning to tell you who their abductor is. They will have to
be at a place where they will trust that no one will contact their
abductor. Just ask for them to tell you whatever they feel
comfortable with. Tell them you would like to help them. There is no
one else who will help them. DO not offer money. I have never met a
true victim of abduction who has asked for any money. The exchange of
money will make for a strained relationship. The greatest desire of
an abduction victim and they have all said the same thing to me
"I just want to GO HOME"
Every single victim of abduction who I have spoken to has said this to me!
The sad thing when a child is abducted is that the family is the recognized victim. The
reality is that the family still has each other, their friends,
neighbors , familiar community. BUT the child is ripped away from
everything they know and everyone they love and they are the victims
who are now all alone.
So can I ask you to think about something. In all of your travels through missing persons websites
and agencies have you ever once seen a place for an abduction victim
to get help? Have you ever seen one website set up for the real
In my experience even though so many people post missing child posters for years and years most people do not believe
that they are alive. Most people believe they are deceased. So people
do not BELIEVE that we EXIST! It is to say the least one of the
loneliest existences there is. YOU live, YOU breath and yet you do
not EXIST! Believe me it is a crazy thing to think that all abductors
murder their victims. Some are taken to replace other children who
have been killed or to fill a need of the abductor. Some go to school
and have a birth certificate. Some abductors purchase illegal birth
certificates some use other children s birth certificates. Ask your
local school if they ever verify that a new students birth
certificate it authentic! I think you will find out that they never
check them. SAD SAD thing. But they probably do not have the
resources to do this. I know one victim that was raised with a
purchased birth certificate and the social security number of her
abductor. No one ever checked. She went to school every day except
for picture day. She moved around all the time so she went to 12
different schools and no one ever checked.
~written by an adult abducted child
May the survivors out there still living in fear of their abductors have the strength and courage to get help so they can find their way home.
To the families of the missing please understand that there are many
of us out there wanting to come home and we hope that you will
never stop searching for us. never
stop searching for us.