Rumour mongers should think of stricken family

[Sara Huizenga]

Rumour mongers should think of stricken family

While I realize that most people are just trying to be helpful and careful about posting unsubstantiated rumours online, if one more person e-mails me urgently to see if I will check out yet another rumour about local missing person Donna O'Rielly, I'm going to scream.

O'Rielly went missing on Feb. 26 here in Moncton, the circumstances of which have been publicized far and wide. She left work and disappeared before making it to her car. At least at the time this column was written, she hasn't been found.

This has not been the typical missing person case. With the advent of social media and the new reality that rumours can spread like wildfire, the Internet has been ripe with rumours, innuendo and hurtful comments.

There are e-mails about bodies found in snow banks and other 'scoops.' Some people have even posted 'RIP Donna O'Rielly' on their Facebook status updates after hearing unsubstantiated rumours. Being the first to report it rather than actually being accurate seems to be what is important these days.

Without going into the specifics, I recently received a long and detailed e-mail from a regular reader of this column who told me beyond a shadow of a doubt that she knew what happened. In fact, she went into great detail, even recounting conversations she'd personally had with an eyewitness to everything.

She asked for my help.

The human in me wanted to believe she was right, because this particular rumour had O'Rielly still alive and well.

And, I'm not going to lie to you, the columnist in me certainly wanted it to be true, too, because one of my readers trusted me enough to blow the case wide open and hopefully solve this high-profile mystery.

Since the e-mail arrived very late at night, I decided to wait until the next day to contact the police.

When I called them, they got on the case right away.

I forwarded the e-mail to them, and I found the woman's family members on Facebook. Personally, I didn't know the woman who e-mailed me the apparent first-hand 'confession,' however I'd received a few e-mails from her earlier and she seemed harmless enough.

Within a few hours, the RCMP knocked on the woman's door. I'm sure she nearly fainted with shock when it happened. I mean, what did she expect me to do? Write a big column about the confession and not check out the rumours first with the police?

I don't know exactly what happened at the woman's home, but the police contacted me afterwards to tell me that she admitted to making up the entire story.

They seemed greatly disappointed. Had it been true, the tip could have perhaps led to O'Rielly being found. It appeared to be a strong lead, except that it was a complete hoax.

It boggles my mind why someone would go through all that trouble.

Why contact someone who writes for a newspaper and tell them you know what happened if it wasn't true?

Do you not think I would check out the rumour? Seriously? We learned that on the first day of journalism school, dear.

Obviously, someone who sends an e-mail like this is not thinking of the consequences such allegations could hold.

Did they not think of her family? Did they not think of her friends and co-workers? Did they not think of the general public who've been trying to find her, too?

And finally, did they not think of the precious law enforcement resources that were spent because of this lie?

Don't get me wrong. Any tip is a good tip . . . as long as it's sincere.

But an outright made-up story that you know is a crock? Don't you think people have better things to do? I know that I'd certainly like to get back the three hours of my life I spent taking part in your sick wild goose chase.

Missing person cases bring out the best in most people . . . and the worst in some. The good vibes on a spiritual level that can be attained by the prayers and positive thoughts of people cannot be underestimated.

I believe that they mean something very real -- and, if anything, certainly offer a level of support to the family in at least knowing that they're not alone and that people care.

But the rumours . . . oh the unbelievable number of rumours . . . well, at some point I just want to tell people to keep their traps shut unless they've seen something personally and practically have photographic evidence confirmed by Jesus himself.

The rumour mongers all have a 'friend' who 'knows' what happened. Unfortunately, track the rumour back to its origins and someone seeing a dead squirrel on the street ends up transforming itself into the 'fact' that someone found a body in a snow bank and -- of course -- it must be the person everyone is looking for.

As for me, just to let y'all know, if you have a real tip, by all means call the RCMP and pass it on. If the tip isn't good enough to pass along to the RCMP, don't bother telling me.

That's a lesson I sure learned the hard way. I never thought I'd be taken in by someone lying to my face like that, but I was. Fortunately, the RCMP was there to call her on it.

Let's just say that the purveyor of this hoax likely had to change her granny panties after that visit from the police. Play with fire and you get burned.

Donna O'Rielly's family has been through enough. They don't need a bunch of liars making up stories, too. Whatever happened to her, I hope that the family gets closure soon on this unfathomably difficult time in their lives.

* Brian Cormier is a writer and communications consultant. His column appears on this page every Wednesday. He may be contacted by e-mail at [e-mail] or visit his blog at www.briancormier.blogspot.com.

[John Quinn]

Sara..I don't believe how naieve I am!! After reading this post and reading Maureen's responce..I am horrorified ! I never thought someone could be this evil and coniveing to a missing persons family! I never thought there were sites like Maureen said as I only really know Peace4.Thank GOD for Peace4 and the intergerity of Brian Cormier!Evil will lose!! LOVE ALWAYS.....johnny

[Rebel J. Morris]

Some people want their 15 minutes and will do anything to get it. It's sad.

[eve carson]

This touched a very personal chord for me. The reality of what happened to Joan has only intensified the pain of her loss knowing the promoted theories were false. The media swirled sensational and unverified facts. Unfortunately, they relied, as we all are inclined to do, on the authorities involved in the case. No family, friends, or loved ones going through the trauma of these cases deserve to be abused by others who have a different agenda. It victimizes everyone. Bringing out the best in people means they are emotionally connected. There are devastating effects by those who are not. The damage is irreparable. It is evil.

Eve

[Sara Huizenga]

So well said, Maureen ... you play and have played for quite some time, such a big part in making sure that the good still does come out on top ... thank you so much for that (along with so thanks for so much more as well) ... xoxoxo

[Maureen Reintjes-Peace4 Admin]

I don't even know where to begin on this one. Major kudos to that writer..that took courage and majorly good ethics to write that! But, man his column is tame compared to the evil I've seen take place or have personally experienced ... he doesn't have a clue how bad it is out here in the world of the missing.

I came to Peace4 because it is a safe haven for the families. No crappy crime/hate board, hate forum sleuthers on here. That brand of evil is dealt with fast on Peace4. The mentality of the person who gave that false information to that writer is of the same mindset and probably is a member on those sites. I've always said they treat the missing, their cases and their families like a soap opera only they can interact with the characters. I really don't think they have enough compassion or even an ounce of goodness in them to even know that these are people's feelings, emotions, lives they are playing with and slicing and dicing. If you laugh, cry, cuss, pray, are weak, are strong, or if you go on TV and move your eyes a certain way they of that hateful mentality crucify you. It's why so many of the over 100,000 families with missing loved ones go silent.

Many of those with that hateful mentality are only doing what they do to outpost their fellow posters on the hate boards. Sadly there are so called organizations, awareness sites that are only after the reward money. And, there are some truly sadistic ones in that bunch who think it's funny to start fights all over the place with the sole intention of bringing the good sites down, the sites that are making a positive difference in the lives of the families of the missing. They even bring hackers to the good sites to try and bust them that way. They run around all over the internet using different names, buddying up to people, just trying to get information or pull them to their sites where they then have their private discussion areas where they bash the hell out of the families. They usually come on the sites under 2 or 3 different names that way if they get banned, they can still be on the site under a different name until they get IP banned. I've seen them try and get people off some truly great sites by telling people don't go to that site or you'll get a virus. And, I've seen them worm themselves into cases even going so far as calling detectives on the case, calling lawyers, calling family's employers. Immature, evil, criminal, shitty people.

It's sick what goes on. But on the flip side the truly good people have banded and are banding together so hey EVIL be on notice out there we'll get you.

[Shirley Emerson]

That someone would do something like that is sad. Reading this made me think how often the police (or RCMP) must run into people just like that who make up confessions and other lies. No wonder it takes so long to sort through a case! People like her should be prosecuted. There is surely some kind of law against doing that type of thing.....

[Sara Huizenga]

That's a very good point, Cynthia ... we should repost the article you wrote earlier regarding ... lots of great, vital info in it that I imagine we can never be reminded too much about ...

[Cynthia Caron]

Mind boggling that person thought you would have just ran with a story without verifying the facts. Good gracious.

[Cynthia Caron]

What a terrible thing to do to a family! I experienced something similar when a missing loved one's family held a candlelight vigil. While the reporters and cameras were at the vigil, a woman stepped up and claimed to be the missing loved one's sister and said she lived in Massachusetts! Literally just to get on the television news! It wasn't until I spoke with the family that I learned the truth, that she had no sister that resided in Massachusetts! I cannot believe at what lengths some people will go to in order to create malicious havoc! SAD! This is another good point to bring up about how important it is when a loved one goes missing to NEVER put one's phone number and personal information on a missing poster! Ever! It brings out the trolls from the under worlds.

[Sara Huizenga]

Oh - dear ... (lol) This is not my story, it's from the press ... but, thank you for your compassion. Bottom line, yes ... hard to imagine that families with missing loved ones may have to deal with crap like this ...