The psychological problems that Families of Missing Persons may encounter.

[Sara Huizenga]

‘Denial and silence’ or ‘acknowledgement and disclosure’

This article addresses the psychological problems that families of missing persons may encounter. By looking at the complicated process of bereavement which may ensue if families are unable to carry out farewell ceremonies and death rituals for their missing relatives, the author discusses the importance of a comprehensive understanding of the problematic if family members of missing persons are to be properly assisted.

This paper addresses the problems family members of forced disappeared persons may encounter. Forced disappearances are surrounded by fear and silence. Feelings of hope, the lack of an official disclosure, and economic, social and legal problems may all complicate the daily lives of those searching for their relatives year after year.


Farewell ceremonies and death rituals have the important function of recognising the life and achievements of a deceased person. Since the whereabouts of disappeared persons are not known, a farewell ceremony is normally not performed for them. It is important for the persons giving support to relatives of disappeared persons to recognise differences in mourning and death rituals. Normal signs of bereavement can mislead a clinician who is not aware of these cultural differences.


The article describes how the complex circumstances that family members of disappeared have to face may lead to complicated grief. Family members of forced disappeared persons are in principle entitled to reparation. However, for most of them this is not a reality. Pursuing reparation is associated with many difficulties. There is a need for a comprehensive understanding of the complex problem of disappearances in order to properly assist family members of missing persons.


Peace4 the Missing
http://peace4missing.ning.com

[Elizabeth]

You'd like to know how it feels when a loved one is missing? I can tell you. My sister ran away from home when she was 16. It turned out she eloped but she came back safe and sound three days later. But three days to most of us may not seem that long but to people like me, it's an eternity. When you first find some of her belongings are missing, you know she must be up to something but you don't know exactly. You don't know if she knows what she's doing whatever she is doing.

My sister's boyfriend was missing so we knew they were up to something together. She was recently spending lots of time on the internet so my dad looked at the History and found information about marriage laws for people under 18. Well, she needed parental consent unless she was pregnant. At the time, she wasn't but how she convinced city hall that she was pregnant is a whole another story. But she was gone and never said where she was going. We find information and made phone calls. But still.... you are worried to death. You think you know what she's up to and why she ran away but you have so many things in your mind. Is she ok? Is she safe? Where is she sleeping, in a hotel or her boyfriend's car? Could someone have grabbed them from the streets? Lots of horrible things go through your mind about what has happened and whether they're safe and okay. You're not there with them so you don't know if they're okay or even alive. I couldn't eat, barely. Just some small snacks but no meals for three days and I was lacking sleep. My parents were worried to death and took time off from work to try and track down my sister since we had some clues on the Internet. On a happy note, as soon as she got married, she came back home and I cannot tell how relieved I was and how happy I was to see her again, knowing that she is home and safe. The feeling you get when a loved one is missing is unbearable and horrible.

[Sara Huizenga]

You're so right, Gwennie...it's horrific for those with Missing Loved Ones...

How is one able to "feel your grief" (as many say is vital to do, essential, necessary) if you don't even know if you should be grieving or have not been giving any kind of grief period or grief proof...you can't "grieve" - so...grieving is so essential, yet...you can't really grieve, at least not how the mainstream is referring to...so what the heck are you supposed to do?

I can only imagine, honestly, I can only imagine, that is all I can do...and just imagining terrifies the hell out of me...

[Gwen Johnson]

I think what is so tragic, is how can you truely mourn if there is no answer, you are in limbo neither knowing if the person is deceased or alive. How can one truely know what he or she should feel, but what there is for sure is an empty feeling an ever forboading of where are you now....I wonder if, and those include Is he or she dead, is someone hurting them, i wonder if he or she is suffering, and the list goes on. I am so glad you posted this article, because the families and what they go through can be so devistating in the long term not just the short term. Kudos Sara and thank you.

[Christy Hotchkiss]

P.S have seen some of Nancy Grace's on CNN recent presentations on the Missing young girl and Mother situation as well as the missing 9 month old child, and also scarey situations with rising hate crimes and escaltion of angerous radical groups....remember what I keep trying to say about our society and country? if those that believe violence against races and nazism are ACCEPTABLE continue to grow and thrive we will have a LOT more unexplained MISSING and unsolved homocides I believe!

[Christy Hotchkiss]

Beautifully described, Jan!
And beautiful poetry also! Humans ahh humans emotions feelings pleasure, pain, anger, sadness we are GIFTED to be able to feel, to expierience these and yet cursed at the same time? Missing a family member a friend and don't forget the other types of missing them lossing htem to ALzheimers diseaese, watching, and feeling and going down the narrow darkened path everyday loosing a bit more of them and of yourself along with it. Loosing/missing parts of yourself when your loved ones unexplainedly change their behaviors, their regards their respect of you, and don't forget the trusting ones who love someone and trust someone that changes, goes violent, angry, mistreats verbally, mentally and physically that is also very sad, traumatic, anguish raising experience....watching and seeing family members change and get more self centered, self focucused, self preserving and become lost to us as caring, communicating individuals....there are all kinds of LOSSES these days and all affect and cause anguish.....our society itself is showing wear and tear on its very foundations as is our country.....decency, respect, care, compassion are continually being assaulted there are no greater losses... stay together, stay supportive, stay caring teach care, empathy, compassion its the binding bridge to hope and existence!

[Sara Huizenga]

please ignore above typos, I'll be able to fix them later...need to go now...just letting you know...lol... ;)

[Sara Huizenga]

Maureen, that is sincerely an AWESOME project! This is exactly the kind of "info." that seems most awareness neglected!

There's also a new thread here at Peace4 called LIFE WITH A MISSING PERSON so few sadly have no clue as to what that means, including me! I don't know...I don't have a missing loved one...I am am very grateful to you all for opening up your hearts with us, I hope it helps the rest of us to know how to best support you...xoxoxoxo

[Maureen Reintjes-Peace4 Admin]

Good job Sarah T. and Jan. We need to compile our thoughts and our stories into a book. That is the only way we can educate the public, the mental health community, law enforcement and the justice system on just what it is we are going through or have gone through. A book like that would clue everyone else into what we've experienced.

Just looking at the comments made on the maliciously missing by the public, those that have never had a loved one missing, it has become clear to me just how clueless most are in what the families of the missing face. How clueless lawyers, judges and law enforcement are to what has happened to the families emotionally, legally, financially and YES, criminally.

I've seen sleuthers on these crime boards (I call hate boards) dismantle every aspect of families of the missing. In their eyes we aren't allowed to smile, we aren't allowed to get mad and shout, we aren't allowed to criticize media or law enforcement, we don't search hard enough and on and on....it's so bizarre. Maybe if they could read a book by all of us, just maybe they would be more understanding.

We need a book that is a fast read of our stories .... like a "Chicken Soup for the Soul®" book.

In fact if anyone is game for this start sending your stories to me and I'll compile them. Any money raised could go to 'to be determined' missing person organizations and search teams.

[e-mail]

Let me know what you think!

Maureen

[Sara Huizenga]

Sara,
The author of this hasn't a clue what daily life is when you don't
know where someone you love is. NOT A CLUE!

sarah teague

i'm writing our story and it tells what daily life has been like for
almost fourteen years now. reparatoin????????????????/what the hell?

ALL WE WANT IS TO KNOW THE TRUTH!!

I tried to sleep and just kept thinking of how it is urgent that we do
tell the truth about our life and our search for the one that has been
taken from us. It's a harsh reality to say the least, Sara.

August 26, 1995, we were told that Heather had been dragged into the
woods by her hair and at gunpoint by a man with dark bushy hair and a
beard. The theories began...Heather was fed to the hogs. Heather was
sold. Heather had been raped and weighted down and thrown into the
river. Heather was put into an oil tank.

'96: The widow of the only suspect pled the fifth at the grand jury
hearing and KSP didn't question the artist or the eyewitness or the
brother-in-law. After seven months, KSP called me and Heather's dad in
to give our blood. They had found two spots of blood on the passenger
window. What happened to the evidence FBI collected adn gave to KSP?

'97: Found out that the only suspect that we were told had killed
himself, didn't have any hair at all on the day of the abduction. The
sketch is identical to the dead man's driver's license photo down to
an underbite and a shadow on the side of his face. Someone else was
involved I pleaded from Henderson to Frankfort carrying my laminated
sketch all over the place.

'98: The brother-in-law was overheard saying that Heather was
accidentally ran over. we were promised an arrest would be made. I
confronted him, peed my pants when he ran at me. KSP did NOTHING. Took
a petition against the prosecuting attorney to present evidence to the
grand jury. Not even the uncle was questioned.

99: The artist that did the composite drawing of the man with the
dark, bushy hair and the beard came to me and told me that he had
found Heather on a film on the internet. He told me that Heather had
been killed on a snuff film on rapez.com site. He said he had #3 and I
didn't want to see #23. KSP did nothing.

2000: I taped the eyewitness' conversations and learned that he kept
changing his story. I learned he is a millionaire with businesses in
South America. I tried to go back to school. Made the deans list one
semester and had to drop out the next semester.

2001: Pleaded with KSP to search the property of the only suspect and
to question the artist and the eyewitness.

2002: Continued to write to Sec. of Justice, Commissioner of KSP,
requesting many open records. Wondering how the uncle could have sat
with his nephew for so many hours and not have asked about Heather.
Wondering why KSP didn't try to negotiate with suspect, who was a
felon, with a handgun, for any information on Heather. They kept
telling me that the suspect 'took his secrets to his grave'. Of that I
am most certain.

2003: Continued to try to get the property searched.

2004: Chris Below became a person of interest. The sketch IS Chris Below.

2005: FBI came to my home to tell me that the evidence that they had
collected in'95 and gave to KSP was just found in the evidence room.
My DNA was taken, I was told to get an attorney and a lawsuit against
KSP was suggested.

2006: FBI taken off case after taped conversations I had made with the
eyewitness was turned into KSP.

2007: Worked with attorney until he found out that there may be a
connection between 'some important people' and the death of a man in
the back of a trooper's car in '98. This trooper now being the det in
charge of Heather's case. I taped him telling me' I had better not
call frankfort and get him thrown off Heahter's case, that he wouldn't
stand for that.

2008: KSP called us in to tell us Heather's hair had been found in the
suspect's vehicle. KSP wouldn't search the property still. I drew up
my own search warrant and a special judge was appointed to read it.
His first words to KSP was...'something is very wrong here'.

2009: Waiting to hear about a deal being made with the brother-in-law
for his information about Heather's whereabouts. He was in a wreck
that killed two people and he was under the influence. The same
prosecuting attorney now wants him to only serve 20% of his time for
Heather. I have gained 40lbs, haven't been able to work since Nov.,
have no car. Still believing in miracles.

I'd like for you to send this to the author of that article. And I
haven't even touched on the 'climbing up the oil tank' looking down
for Heather's body to be floating because oil preserves a body. One
look at this picture from the rape site and the stories the artist
told me to go with the picture would make most people 'lose it'.

This is my job and I won't stop until I know. What I do know is this:
What 'they' have told me happened August 26, 1995, while KSP was there
pulling a truck from the mud, is not what happened at all.

This is just a glimpse into my world of searching for Heather. All we
want is the truth. Every what-if becomes a picture in a mother's
heart. The day that Heather was taken away, every word in my
vocabulary had a new meaning.

I hope this helps in some way to open the eyes and the hearts of the
people that dare to write articles on something they have no clue
about.

Sarah Teague

[Sara Huizenga]

Okay, I love Sarah Teague...she too has so blessed my life, I love it when she emails me in response to one of these discussions, blog posts, etc.

So, with her permission, I'm re-posting her words here below...